Random... LIFE..

It has been a long time since last post.. 
Two months ago?? 

I have totally forgot about this blog..
When I was updating it everyday for the last few years..
Why isn't anything for me to post about in this blog now?
Nothing really happening to me recently?

Yes, honestly..
My life and routine for these two months is exactly the same for everyday..
Wake up in the morning.. Looking at the ceiling..
Spending hours on bed awake....
Rewinding what was the dream I dreamt last night..
Hence, I have good memory in every dreams I had.. No joke...

After revising the dream, that's the time for me to prepare my breakfast..
I used to have a surprisingly wonderful breakfast every morning..
with ham, toast, egg or some fruits or salads randomly...
But, time after time...
My breakfast has become a slice of toast with an egg and a cup of coffee..
Breakfast used to be my happiest meal of the day..
But it has become a lonely meal of all...

I will spend a whole day, more than 12 hours in front of my laptop...
I wonder what I did in these 12 hours..
Check mails, Facebook...
and start reading journals and continue my progress of dissertation..
But, it wouldn't last long.. Why I wonder?
I will start feeling uncomfortable and need a shower..
Then, I will spend time making cups of coffees and teas in between...
I will allowed my mind to wander around to think of something else......

By the time, the sky was dusk...
And, it's time to prepare for dinner....
I used to enjoy cooking dinner all by myself..
I enjoy the process of cooking.. And the outcome and feedback from others..
It boosts up my confidence.. And I love that feeling..
But, time after time... I started to avoid kitchen.....
I started to spend lesser and lesser time in the kitchen..
My happiness and smiles were lost in the kitchen....

And I realised that, I need to share my life with someone...
Someone who understands me...
Who willing to share my life...
Who be there for me..
Who feel the happiness I have while cooking in the kitchen..
Who loves to try every dish I made..
Who gives me a big smile everytime I needs it..
Who willing to wipe away my tears everytime I cry...
Who willing to share silly jokes and gives me laughter...
Who will care about ME and my FEELINGS....
Who understand what makes me HAPPY and what makes me CRY..

What is the purpose of living?
For myself?
How do I live for myself when I don't even know why am I suppose to live?
I don't live to the WEALTH.... And I don't live for the HEALTH..
I have nothing since I was born..
and I shouldn't bringing anything with me when I am gone..
So, what is the meaning of life?
When you aren't getting anything in the end of your life??!!